A: When Domestic Violence Is Revealed—DOs and DON’Ts
B: Elder Abuse: Be Informed and Resources
by Kay Klinkenborg
A: WHEN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS REVEALED…DO’S AND DON’Ts
There are some key truths and safety strategies to know when a situation of domestic violence (DV) is revealed; safety for the victim and you.
TRUTHS:
- Victims suffer multiple types of abuse with varying levels of severity, the overwhelming constant is that abusers will use whatever means available to control a victim.
- First and foremost, if a violent act is occurring or imminent, call 911 to get immediate help.
- Leaving a violent situation is the most dangerous time for a victim.
- There may be children in the home that the victim has to protect as well as themselves. Don’t believe that an abuser ‘would never hurt the children’.
- The abuser will lie to get what they want; the married abuser will use the contract as a religious commitment for permission to take over the situation. Truth is: the abuser broke the marriage contract with the first behaviors of emotional, physical, manipulation or sexual abuse.
- If the victim comes to your home or work place, do not disclose to the abuser where victim (h/she) is or where you live. Never reveal the location of a safe house or domestic violence shelter to a victim’s partner/spouse, or abuser’s family members.
- Be patient with the victim as they make plans to leave, if they do. Victims leave on an average of 7+ times before they finally leave the abuser. The fear a victim feels for their very life is real. Do not drop support from victim should they return to the abuser. Remember, leaving an abuser is a frightening experience and their life is in danger. 1,2,3,6,8
FIRST PRIORITY SAFETY STRATEGIES:
- Listen without judgment; keep comments non-judgmental.
- Refrain from telling a victim what to do; no one knows the abuser better than the victim.
- Remind the victim that s/he does not deserve the abuse; nor have they done something wrong to provoke it.
- Offer to help victim contact DV hotline or advocate at a shelter to obtain information; if you give them a written phone number or shelter address, instruct them to keep in their shoe underneath the sole where the abuser cannot find it or a similarly discreet hiding place; not their phone.
- You could offer to drive them to the shelter or police station.
- Make a safety plan: the most effective trained people to help the victim make a safety plan is the DV hotline worker, or shelter staff. You can support the victim in the steps they chose to work on that plan.
- If immediate safety is needed, a shelter is the best place for victim. 1,2,3,6,7,8
SECOND LEVEL SAFETY STRATEGIES
- Learn about the dynamics of DV from reputable DV intervention or prevention programs
- Accompany victim to court to obtain a protective order
- Help build community awareness of domestic violence
- Make your own list of supportive community resources 2,3,7,8
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PHONE RESOURCES 2,3,7
National: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) can give phone info for any state
Maricopa County, AZ only Shelter Line: 480-890-3039
Arizona: 24-hour Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 800-787-3224 (TTD)
AZ Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence: 602-279-2900 800-782-6400 602-279-7270
Domestic Violence Program Information: 602-542-4446
Sexual Assault Hotline RAINN 800-656-HOPE (4673)
B: ELDER ABUSE: BE INFORMED and RESOURCES
Over 500,000 people 60 years of age and older are abused or neglected each year in the United States. It was also found that four times as many incidents of abuse or neglect are never reported, causing researches to estimate that as many as 2 million elderly persons in the United States are abused each year. In 90% of the cases, the abusers were found to be family members and most often were adult children or spouses of those abused. In addition, equal numbers of men and women have been identified as the abusers. However, women, especially those over 80 years of age, tend to be victimized more than men. 5,8
The National Center on Elder Abuse identifies the following as signs of elder abuse:
- Bruises, pressure marks, broken bones, abrasions, and burns may indicate physical abuse or neglect.
- Unexplained withdrawal from normal activities and unusual depression may be indicators of emotional abuse.
- Bruises around the breasts or genital area, as well as unexplained bleeding around the genital area, may be signs of sexual abuse.
- Large withdrawals of money from an elder’s bank account, sudden changes in a will, and the sudden disappearance of valuable items may be indications of financial exploitation.
- Bedsores, poor hygiene, unsanitary living conditions, and unattended medical needs may be signs of neglect.
- Failure to take necessary medicines, leaving a burning stove unattended, poor hygiene, confusion, unexplained weight loss, and dehydration may all be signs of neglect or self-neglect. The family of the elder may not even be aware self-neglect is occurring. It is our responsibility to place a hotline call when we suspect self-neglect is happening. 5,8
Note: Those hired by family to be caregivers are not excluded as potential elder abusers. This can take form as all the types of abuse mentioned in the DV articles; BUT also includes steeling money, checks, using credit cards of the victim, taking items from the home for personal use or resale. The list is endless. Elder citizens are at high-risk to trust implicitly the caregivers if they are kind and attentive.
It is beyond the scope of this article to explore the vulnerability elders are susceptible to regarding in-person, phone and Internet scams. Families need to be extremely watchful of their elder parents’ purchases and interactions with businesses.
The church has the same moral and ethical responsibility to respond, teach, advocate for elders and work to end elder abuse; just as it does for any form of domestic violence. (See Part I article).
Remember, it is not your role to verify that abuse is occurring, only to alert others of your suspicions. Calls to Elder Abuse Hotlines are anonymous; they follow up with in-home visits to make assessments.
ELDER ABUSE REPORTING RESOURCES
- Arizona Adult Protective Services (APS) is a program within the DES Division of Aging and Adult Services (DAAS) and is responsible for investigating allegations of abuse, exploitation and neglect of vulnerable adults.
- Online: Adult Protective Services Registry | Arizona Department of Economic Security (az.gov) The online reporting form is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
- By phone: 1-877-SOS-ADULT (1-877-767-2385) Monday – Friday, 7:00 a.m. – 7:00 p.m. Saturday, Sunday and state holidays: 10:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.
For life-threatening emergencies, call 911 immediately.
The AAPS also has a register offender’s list where you can determine if the person has been reported before regarding elder abuse.
- (602) 674-4200 Hotline Elder Abuse AZ
- (602) 264-4357 – Area Agency on Aging 24hr Helpline AZ
- (844) 894-4735 or (602) 542-2124 Attorney General’s TASA Helpline AZ
- (844) 894-4735 or (602) 542-2124 Attorney General’s TASA Helpline Financial Exploitation AZ
- Eldercare Locator weekdays at 800-677-1116
- National Adult Protective Services Association 202-370-6292 www.napsa-now.org
- National Center on Elder Abuse 855-500-3537 (toll-free)
REFERENCES
1 National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV, www,NADCV.org
2 Arizona Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence in Arizona (acesdv.org) ACESDV (website)
3 Domestic Violence Services | Arizona Department of Economic Security (az.gov) (website)
4 How to help a victim of domestic violence | Extension | University of Nevada, Reno (unr.edu) (website)
5 www.medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/elder+abuse
6 US Dept Health & Human Services www.hhs.gov/answers/programs-for-families-and-children/how-do-i-report-elder-abuse/index.html
7 https://elder-abuseca.com/stateResources/arizona.html AZ Elder Abuse
8 National Center on Elder Abuse https://ncea.acl.gov/
©Kay F. Klinkenborg, October, 2021
Spiritual Director
Retired RN, LMFT, Clinical Member AAMFT
Specialties: DV; PTSD; Incest Survivors/Sexual Assault; & Counseling Women
Consultants to IA, IL, KS, MO, NV, NM’s Coalitions Against Domestic Violence